Talking with Yolanda Green

In part one of a two-part series, I interview Yolanda Green about her path to Bodhi and what spirituality means to her.

Photo Credit: Latoya Thorn Photography

Jaye Ratio

I first met Jaye Ratio when we took a class at Bodhi Spiritual Center in Chicago.  Jaye intrigued me from the very beginning.  At the time, I was not sure why but I took notice of my reactions whenever our paths crossed.  The reason for my fascination soon became apparent.

Jaye embodied the unexpected.  One evening they would show up dressed in a plaid shirt, tee and jeans.  The next class, they would be wearing lipstick with a full beard, dangling earring, a blouse and flowing skirt.

Jaye became my muse.  Every time I saw them, my spirit was reminded of freedom and the hope of breaking free of limiting beliefs.  Last summer, Jaye sat down for an interview with me as part of the #BodhiConnection series.

 

 

The Trust Walk

During my Foundations class at Bodhi Spiritual Center, my classmates and I took part in a trust walk.

After a guided meditation, everyone in class was instructed to complete a trust walk with their prayer partners.  We each would take turns closing our eyes and being lead in a silent walk by our prayer partner for ten minutes.

My prayer partner is Mariluz, a vivacious woman who glows with her love of life and others. Mariluz was nervous when her 10 minutes to be lead began.  She grabbed onto my hand tight and giggled a lot.  As the minutes, passed she seemed to relax but kept smiling and giggling.

When it was my time to be guided, I noticed several things.  While I held Mariluz lightly, she grabbed me tightly to her. There was a required trust to ensure I followed her physical queues and did not trip. Bliss began to rise in me and lasted throughout the exercise.

Without needing to process my surroundings, I was free to relax and feel. My senses expanded to feel the wind on my face, the heat of my partner’s body against mine, the sounds of passing cars, and voices drifting on the breeze. The tears I shed at the end of the trust walk were from joy and release.

After the walk was completed, we returned to class and were instructed to sit in silent meditation.  Once everyone returned, Rev Lola said a prayer and the meditation ended. She asked the class to share their experiences.

What I learned from listening to various people is that I am not that different from others. Several people felt the joy and release of giving up control and being guided. They felt the bliss of trusting and being loved.  

You can do the trust walk with your family and friends. It is simple and will highlight aspects of yourself that you may not be aware of. Things like:

1. How easily do you trust?
2. Are you comfortable with vulnerability?
3. Are you comfortable with non-sexual intimacy?
4. Can you relinquish control to another, and do you feel relief when doing so?
5. Do you need more touch?
6. Do you need more support?

My experience with the trust walk left me with clear answers to each of these questions. I hope it’s useful to you as well.

With Love,

Sherry

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The featured photo is of my Spring 2017 Bodhi Foundations class.  My prayer partner, Mariluz, is the first person in left-front row.

 

No Longer Treading Water with My Weight Loss Goals

I experienced a wonderful breakthrough during my last spiritual practitioner session with Joan Coletto. Earlier that morning, I was feeling confident about my readiness to shift from weekly to bi-weekly sessions — cocky even.  Then when I arrived for my session, I started to feel intense anxiety which presented itself as nausea.  When I told Joan what was happening, she instructed me to focus on the feeling so that we could explore the related emotions and identify the source.  Essentially, we were exploring my physical symptoms to figure out what my subconscious was trying to tell me.

We have been working on releasing my mental blocks around losing weight. I have used weight as a protective barrier for several years.

During the session, I also realized that during years of intense stress as a teenager, I would wake at night and eat enormous amounts of food to soothe myself. No one in my home knew what was happening because I was extremely thin at the time. So, I surmised that being thin reminds me on a subconscious level of this time of intense stress, anxiety and fear in my life. This is the source of my block and resistance around losing weight.

In previous years, when I started to lose weight, the anxious feelings would rise and without much thought I would start behaviors which resulted in regaining the weight — eating more, exercising less, eating late at night, sleeping less, etc. There are so many ways to sabotage your weight loss goals. Some are subtle changes that keep your true intent from your conscious mind.

Based on this development, Joan instructed me to repeat the following mantras as part of my daily meditation practice:

• I am a loving person.
• I am a whole human being.

In order to address some avoidance behaviors, I am to:

1. Spend time with people and hug more
2. Get stronger and lose weight
3. Read the book which has been on my mind: Becoming Wise An Inquiry into the Mystery and Art of Living by Krista Tippett

Now that we  have identified the issue, I am hoping to make significant progress with my weight loss goals. Therapy is a wonderful thing!!

 

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Image Credits

• IslandBoiPhotography
• Tiana ParkerTiana Parker
• Chenoa Maxwell

 

Here in this Place

By Kenya Dockens

Yesterday I cried

I allowed myself to release

for a moment to be free

of all the thoughts imprisoned inside and against me

I let myself breathe

 

I blew off the steam like a pot of tea’s

loud burst of heat releasing pressure

I unlocked the key

And with a single step

ended the great depression

 

Yesterday I cried

Streams of guilt, shame, disappointment, and rejection

masking the truth of my mirror reflection

Owning my fears with no doubt or question

Feeling what I feel with no objection.

 

Every tear is freeing

Uncovering Seeds of fear buried in the soil of my spirit

I find hidden fears Manifested like weeds in my being

Growing the needs of redemption

Yesterday I cried with intention

No longer a victim

I surrender to this place of Divine intervention

No longer stuck

Peace between the perception of broken pieces

I’m waking up

 

And in this place I am free

Whole and complete

Like a drop of water in the ocean

The spirit of God surrounds and moves through me

I sow seeds of love and attract like energy

Today I am breathing and yesterday ceases

I know that God is all there is

And I am the son

You are love

And We are one

As we grow in grace

I declare greatness for you

 

And I am so grateful to be here in the place with you

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The poem was written and recited by a Foundations classmate, Kenya Dockens, at Bodhi Spiritual Center in Chicago.  I was moved by the sheer quantity and variety of talent in our class. I will post other pieces over the next few weeks.

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A Letter to Myself

A few days ago, I received a letter in the mail.  My husband assumed that I accidentally addressed something to myself (this has been known to happen).  He handed me the envelope and waited for me to open it and concede that he was correct.  Instead, I received a surprise.  Inside the envelope was a single small sheet of paper torn from my daily journal containing a handwritten message to myself.

At the beginning of the Foundations class at Bodhi Spiritual Center in Chicago, students were instructed to write a letter to ourselves about what we wanted to accomplish by the end of class. We were to write what our lives would look like at that time.  The letters would be mailed to us after the class ended.  Here is what I wrote:

At the end of Foundations class, I expect to have lost 20 pounds and increased my workouts to five days per week. I will adhere to my spiritual practice every morning and night. I will speak clearly, with passion and confidence. I will walk fully in love and grace. My heart will know self-forgiveness for past mistakes. I will be comfortable with the love I feel for others. I will embody love. I will accept love. I will be as love in the world.

I will have a clear idea of the next job/career I will pursue. It will call to me and pull at my soul. I will feel a great joy when I think of this job/endeavor/project. It will feed my spirit.

Progress Against Objectives

• I have lost 20 pounds since the beginning of the class
• I am continuing with my daily spiritual practice
• I have moved to a space where I love more freely and accept love and affection from myself and others
• I continue to work on identifying job and career objectives

Thanks for reading a bit about my life.

With Grace,

Sherry

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This post was written in response to the daily prompt:  paper.

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Halting a 12-Year-Old Loop

I had another breakthrough session with my spiritual practitioner, Joan Coletto, who I met through the Bodhi Spiritual Center in Chicago.

We have been working on a behavior modification protocol around my self-care with a focus on weight loss. In this session, I told Joan that my weight loss has been stagnate. I am not eating the wrong things. I’m simply not eating enough for my body to shift out of storage mode into utilization.

Joan repeatedly emphasized what my nutritionist told me. You have to eat to lose weight. The key is eating the right things at the right times. So our session was focused on exploring why I am denying myself the pleasure of nutritious food and thus the joy of weight loss.

As I focused internally to determine what my subconscious was telling me, I remembered myself as 12-year-old locked in my apartment while my mom visited her friends. They didn’t have kids so I was often left at home while they gathered to drink, smoke and play cards. My mom thought it would be safer to leave me at home alone.

My mom often would not return until the sun started to go down at 6 or 7pm. This is how I told time because we did not have a clock. I think this has something to do with the watches I have collected over the years and a slightly skewed perception of time.

Most times, I would not eat until mom returned home. I would sit and look out the window or watch TV while focusing on my hunger pains in order to ignore the loneliness. This is at the root of several recurring behaviors:

• Staying in the house for days at a time
• Ignoring my hunger pains
• Not making the effort to cook meals for myself, if I’m the only one at home
• Forgoing sleep, even if I’m extremely tired while waiting for my husband to return home from work

Action Items

Joan recommended the following activities:

• Use MyFitnessPal to record my meals
• Send a record of my meals to Joan
• Schedule three meals and two protein snacks in my daily calendar
• Go for a walk everyday, no excuses!

With all the soulwork and therapy I have done, I’m still amazed at how our past experiences can play on a continuous loop throughout out lives if we never become aware of the patterns.

Thanks for taking the time to read about my journey. I would like to hear about yours.

Sherry

 

 

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Image Credits

• Celebreteez – Mother and Daughter
• Hannah Bronfman – Exerciser

This post was inspired by the WordPress Daily Prompt:  Loop

Divine Purpose Can Weave a Shadowy Path

In Foundations class at Bodhi Spiritual Center in Chicago, we discussed the concept of divine purpose. The idea that we somehow maintain a memory of our lives when we leave the physical realm. That we have enough awareness to create a plan for our soul before we are reincarnated. We choose our parents and life experiences so that we can grow and learn on the soul level. I woke up thinking about this because of a cable show I watched the night before.

It was a series that followed young men within the prison system. They interviewed one young man who was sentenced to life without parole as a 16-year old because he killed a man. He told the interviewer that due to problems with his mom at home, he would run away from home regularly. During this time he made friends on the street and found out that a few of them were being held in a home by a local man who was known to take in runaways.  He did not explain why the confrontation ended with him shooting the man five times but he seemed at peace with the event.

When I think about this in terms of soul’s purpose and living our destiny, I wondered if his primary purpose in this lifetime was to save those young men being held prisoner in that house. What if all his family turmoil and running away put him in the position to fulfill his soul’s purpose? And with his purpose fulfilled, he is now living out a life sentence in prison experiencing more freedom and peace than most of us will ever know. It is a dangerous line to tread for sure. Murder is a crime, but the mysteries of life are all around us.

Then I noticed myself trying to attribute some type of worthiness to those being saved. As if one or more of the rescued boys must become outstanding citizens and contributors to society to be worthy of his sacrifice.

Perhaps, there is the lesson. He did not save the boys so that they can become doctors, lawyers, fathers or whatever we deem worthy of safety and protection. He saved them simply because they were his friends. They were human and he did not believe they should suffer. He believed they deserved to be free.

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The Cry of the Soul

Eternal am I, birthless and undying; centuries old am I,

yet have I the freshness of youth.

Eons of time have I traveleled,

yet am I unfatigued.

Eons ahead of me stretches my path,

yet am I resolute and unafraid.

Storms have raged,

yet I have pressed on.

Air and sea and the remotest corners of the earth,

I am known to them all.

Exquisite agony and ecstatic joy have throbbed within me.

Highest heaven and deepest hell have left their memories.

I have passed through the waters of sorrow and been unharmed.

I have passed through the gates of death and yet do I live!

And so it is……

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A poem from Wisdom of Our Elders by Dr. Dan Morgan.

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Bound by Time

I have a collection of watches. Not because I am a watch connoisseur but because I am obsessed with time; constantly recalling the past and worrying about the future. This practice has held me bound — stuck in place for several years. Too afraid to move forward due to the fear of repeating past mistakes. Or even worse, suffering from the unexpected tragedies that befell so many that I cared about as a child. It is as if looking at my watch is a way to past the time safely until I die. If I can make it just one more day in safety, I have been successful.

“Death is the mirror in which the entire meaning of life is reflected.” – Ernest Holmes

This occurred to me after a recent session with my spiritual practitioner, Joan Coletto. When I arrived at her house for my appointment, I was tired and sad. Suffering from a cold, low energy and an ache in my heart. I felt an intense loneliness and grief that I could not describe.  She asked me to think back to the first time I felt this feeling.

The image which came to mind was of a 4-year-old me sitting on an apartment floor sobbing. My house had just been robbed and not only did the people take my favorite items, they stole a precious pure bred dog that I was deeply attached too.  Snowball was pure white, fluffy and a sweet heart who often kept me company and showed me constant affection. It was a devastating loss.

Joan then asked me what beliefs developed from this experience. They were:

• It is dangerous to have nice things because people will take them from you.
• Someone wanted to hurt me and my mom.
• You should not be too happy because people will want to hurt you.

Tears were streaming down my face during the entire time I was talking. As I pictured the scenario, I seemed to feel the experience as if it was happening again. Joan then asked where in my body I felt this grief. It was my stomach. The place where I hold most of my feelings and try to numb them with food.

We moved forward in my memories to a time when I was a little bit older where my beliefs were effecting how I experienced the world. After a few moments, I saw myself as an lonely 8-year-old riding my bike in circles around a school yard. Several feet away were kids playing and making happy noises. I looked longingly at them but did not try to join the group. I was afraid they would hurt me through rejection.

Back to present day, much of the time I am alone. Usually it is okay because I want to be alone and was used to the isolation. But things have changed. I have connected with several loving people at Bodhi Spiritual Center. There is a level of consistent intimacy in my life that was never there before.  So this weekend, when I was following my usual habits of indulging in isolation, I felt intense sadness.  Being disconnected is no longer who I am. It is no longer what I want.

“Nature will not let us stay in any one place too long. She allows us to stay just long enough to gather the experience necessary to the unfolding and advancement of the soul.” – Ernest Holmes

It is time for me to live in the present. To accept that I am no longer stuck. To let go of my preoccupation and fear of time and to move forward. Time to unbound my soul and be free like I am meant to be.

With Hope and Love,

Sherry

Your Mess is Your Message

“Our human problems are emblematic of areas where we are being called to grow, to peck into a new paradigm.” – Rev. Michael Beckwith, D.D.

I wrote this post at 3am because it was a burning thought in my mind. An epiphany that would not let me sleep.  In the last Foundations class at Bodhi Spiritual Center, Rev. Lola Wright said, “Your mess is your message”.  I have pondered that statement for several days.  It sparked several questions:

• What have you witnessed?
• What is your recurring life lesson?
• What do you have yet to learn?
• What have you learned from your experiences that can be of use to others?

I have figured out my mess and the life lesson I can impart to others: Self-Advocacy.

In an earlier post, I shared a timeline of my life which highlighted several moments of despair and disappointment. It would be easy to say that these incidents were all due to the irresponsible or insensitive adults in my life but as I completed the forgiveness exercise which asked me to consider the role I played in each devastating event, I realized my role was almost always the same. I assumed the role of victim and did not advocate for myself. I did not speak up. I did not fight. I did not even cry or beg for mercy. I just accepted the circumstances as they were with an odd mixture of pride and shame. On some level, there was pride in how much I was able to endure and still remain better than my abusers but I was still doing myself and others a disservice by remaining quiet.

We each have key roles in our lives which hinge on our ability to self-advocate — as children of parents, as employees in the workplace, as patients in the medical system. These are all key roles where we can be severely damaged if our best interests are not honored.

This is not an effort to victim-blame. I have had enough therapy to know that I was frozen by trauma but I also know that my life lesson is to learn how to stay awake. How not to freeze or disassociate or let things go unnoticed and unanswered. I am here to be an advocate for myself and for others.

My mess is my message.  Be an advocate. No one will take care of your needs like you.

With Grace,

Sherry

Related Articles

• Forgiveness Heals
• Spiritual Liberation: Fulfilling Your Soul’s Potential
• Forgive and Forget Does Not Work: Try This Instead [Forgiveness Practice]

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Affirmation: Health [Audio]

I am currently on a fitness journey. Recently, Rev. Lola Wright shared a great health affirmation that I have adopted as my own:

“I am in holy alignment with every cell of my body. I honor this temple with nourishing food, playful movement and generous rest. My body powerfully and gracefully supports me in expressing my purpose on the planet.”

Here is a recording of the affirmation:

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